Advice on dating a widower
My question is this – does this apply to widowers as well or is it fair to give him a little more time and just get busy with other things so I don’t put pressure on him?
He says he has always taken it slow in dating and this is nothing new.
First, let me preface by saying that my dating advice for women over 40 is about principles, not rules.
So please understand that there is no one-size-fits-all advice for dating widowers.
But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.
So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.
But when you speak to them the first time, they can’t stop talking about their late wife. I steer away from adhering strictly to the ‘one year rule’ that your minister referred to.Talk about rebound………he started to email me and call several times per day and because I am not the “rebound” girl, I slowed things down and poof!I am 62-years-old, and back in 2012 when I briefly joined e Harmony, I met a widower. I learned a great deal and hung in there, but it was quite different.Many times, it wasn’t as wonderful as we imagine it was, and the loss is not as big as we think it might have been.
So, you need to ask him about the quality of his marriage was. You might say something like, “I imagine you had a wonderful marriage”, and see what he says…When you’re a caretaker, it can be one of the most stressful undertakings. The first two years, I worked on myself to recover and get to know myself again.Last January, I felt I was ready to date, so I went on Match.He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.