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26-Jan-2017 19:35

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Ta-Nehisi has been saying some interesting things about relations between black men and women, and I thought I was hearing echoes of arguments from inside the Jewish community.

So we had the following conversation (because we're both so into black-Jewish dialogue): Jeffrey Goldberg: Why do people go outside their groups to look for mates? Ta-Nehisi Coates: I think most men I know, to some extent, have this thing with what's exotic.

My sentiments were much like yours - there really is no doubt, that in most cases, black women are looking out after having at least given the neighborhood a shot. Now, I think that long-term relationships are really, really hard, and should not be subject to ideology. JG: It's funny how quickly things turn - a generation ago in the Jewish community, especially in New York, it was just assumed that you'd marry in, and people who didn't do so were looked at as outliers - not Malcolm Gladwell outliers, outliers like "Why'd you do that? I remember meeting a couple of kids in school who were the products of intermarriages, and, particularly in my ethnically-charged New York environment, they seemed to be sort of homeless.

It just seems like, in my experience, relationships rise and fall over dumb practical shit. Not disappearing, I think, in the manner that Jews worry. The thing is the higher you go up - at least in New York - for whatever reason shit gets more integrated. C., there are worlds filled with high-level people and all of them are black, and interracial marriage is rare. But now it's rude, in many circles, to even advocate for in-marriage.

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I'm sure there is some degree of prejudice working on black women who suck their teeth at black dudes with white women - but it's more than that.

It's the sense, I guess bluntly put, someone has chosen individualism over community.

But here's something else - your point about being "scared" of Jewish women also rings true.

I basically wrote a piece saying exactly this a few years back.

I argued that black men should not date out, but that black women should do whatever.

There is, in the black mind, this stereotype that black dudes can somehow get away with more dealing with white women.