Dating mom blogs


27-Dec-2017 17:57

The day care just told me about it today, otherwise I would have taken the afternoon off to cheer him on. Benjamin is a world-class tricycle rider by the way. Now it’s a bike trip to the coffee shop and park every night.

He pumps his little legs furiously the entire way there, about a half of a mile.

This is a relatively rare pattern among the securely attached because they understand that give-and-take is part of the process of connection, but it is common among the insecurely attached.

The pattern not only cuts off discussion—assuming that the demand is a legitimate one which addresses a need one person has—but has escalation built into it since the person making the demand will likely become more frustrated and the louder she gets, the more her partner will withdraw.

Another legacy of an unloving mother is deep-rooted insecurity about one or more aspects of the self which can co-exist with real-world success and achievement, and is easily triggered.

“I’m really self-conscious about my weight,” Maggie confided, “And in my last marriage, whenever I complained about anything, my husband would fight back by hassling me about how much I ate or how I looked fat or how other women looked so much better than I did. He wanted me to be docile and, when I wasn’t, he attacked me.” Jill describes herself as extremely shy and, in her last relationship, her lover used it against her: “We fought constantly about how social we needed to be and every time I just wanted to stay home and chill, he made me out to be the biggest loser neurotic he’d ever met.

Even though I was miserable in these relationships, I overstayed in each and every one of them, wrongly believing that it was just a matter of time that the guy in question would open his heart to me.

Sometimes, it’s easier to see the pattern when it’s set out in black and white so herewith five signs that, yes, you may be dating or married to your mother after all.

That was certainly true of me in my twenties when the men I was attracted to were typically very self-involved and emotionally detached—a variation on the Mom theme I didn’t recognize at the time.

He pumps his little legs furiously the entire way there, about a half of a mile.

The day care just told me about it today, otherwise I would have taken the afternoon off to cheer him on. Benjamin is a world-class tricycle rider by the way. Now it’s a bike trip to the coffee shop and park every night.

Demand/withdraw is often a pattern between daughter and mother, especially when the child gets old enough or has the courage to confront her mother.

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In this pattern—and I am drawing from memory here—the daughter asks the mother why she’s treating her this way, and the mother withdraws and denies that’s it happening, says nothing at all, or says “I will not talk about this” and leaves the room.

These words—or ones like them that suggest you’re exaggerating or a drama queen or thin-skinned—should be a wake-up call that you’ve found yourself back in your childhood room in a very real sense.



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